emails to mamamama

hey guys, can't write much because i just wrote to my mom, enough for a day. but to let everyone know, i'm fine. my journey is taking its own course because i'm open to whatever it is my heart wants...and i'll tell you all allllllll about it soon <3 here's a summation, in brief, of my current purpose in life...
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hi mama... haha, well, i think i don't want to go to san francisco anymore-- i realized a lot about what i'm supposed to be doing right now, and it's four things-- first, i need to stabilize my mind and be happy being alive, which happened within the first few days of going away. i realized that this is just a journey that will develop on its own once i talked to a few people and became open to different possibilities, like, not biking ALLLL the way and spending time with people instead, just appreciating being open and not planning neurotically and stuff like that. so Mikee put my bike in his car and he'll keep it until i'm back. second, i want to be in DC again because i owe it to my friends to let them know that not all areas operate according to money and power...and i have a real need to talk to people who already know and trust me, and help them realize that they need to spend their time and life concentrating on art and helping each other...and not giving a shit about money and social constructs. i realized i have a really strong message and i know it's true, and so i need to at least give a few people a chance to hear me, and then do whatever they want with what i tell them. it sounds kinda crazy, i guess, but that's one of my driving forces, because after this trip, i'll only go back to DC to see you and Tato and Katya if you move back. So, that's the third thing-- i feel like i want to be there and be available to help in case anything happens with the renters or whatever. Because i wouldn't have anything i have (including life) if it weren't for you guys, and if there ends up being something i can do to help then i'd love to. Finally, i don't know if i'll be able to get to the gulf coast or not (I still want to, but who knows), but i feel a need to talk to people there and look at the ocean because it's dying.

i'm writing a lot but haven't had much of a chance to post things online...but i feel really inspired and it's because i'm following my heart, and the only thing dictating what i do is my own need for finding where help or inspiration is needed. i realize i have a lot of power to give love and ideas, and it's funny that the moment i have freedom from rational obligations i want to just awaken people to love the earth. anyway, i'm happy that this part of me never seems to die, it just gets quiet while i'm participating in society. i know that someday, when school is over and i manage to acquire land and stuff like that i'll be able to live like this without any worry over money or responsibilities to the fucked up system, but for now it's still just a free time thing. thanks mama! talk to you soon :))))

alya

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